When we think of intelligence, the concept of IQ, or intelligence quotient, probably comes to mind. However, this is only one of many forms of intelligence that people can possess.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to perceive, manage, and respond to one’s own and other’s emotions. While a high EQ is associated with some innate traits, improving interpersonal skills can raise EQ levels.
EQ is a difficult concept to pin down, as the processes associated with high and low EQ happen internally. However, a high EQ can generate tangible results in our:
Defining and measuring EQ
Psychologist Howard Gardner first introduced the idea of multiple forms of intelligence in 1983. He argued that traditional intelligence tests focused too much on logic and reasoning and left out other important aspects of intelligence [1]. Two of his seven types of intelligence focused on emotional skills.
Less than a decade later, researchers Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer coined the term emotional intelligence, which incorporated elements of interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence into one trait.
Salovey and Mayer developed the four-branch PUUM model to outline the main facets of emotional intelligence [2]. Author Daniel Goleman further categorized emotional intelligence into a five-dimensional model.
Facets of EQ
Salovey and Mayer’s PUUM model breaks emotional intelligence down into four distinct abilities. Within each branch, the skills can range from basic to advanced:
| Branch | Skills/Abilities |
|---|---|
| Perceiving Emotions | • Distinguish between emotional expressions • Use context to interpret emotions • Identify false or deceptive emotions |
| Using Emotion to Facilitate Thought | • Assess and make practical decisions based on emotion • Acknowledge the effect of emotion on thinking processes • Use emotion to relate to others |
| Understanding Emotions | • Practice empathy • Correctly label emotions and distinguish emotion from mood • Understand implications, meaning, and consequences of emotions |
| Managing Emotions | • Manage emotions to achieve desired outcomes • Evaluate and regulate emotional response • Accept positive and negative emotions equally |
Daniel Goleman adapted and expanded the PUUM model to include five more specific characteristics.
| Goleman EQ Framework | Example |
|---|---|
| Self-regulation | • Adaptability • Open-mindedness • High impulse control |
| Empathy | • Anticipating needs • Reading other’s emotions • Supporting others emotional development |
| Social Skills | • Communication skills • Conflict resolution skills • Leadership abilities |
| Motivation | • Commitment • Overcoming obstacles • Self-starter |
| Self-awareness | • Understanding one’s own emotional state • Identifying and developing weaknesses • Confidence |
Goleman also created the Emotional Competencies model which classified emotional intelligence on two axes: The Personal/Social axis and the Recognition/Regulation axis.
People who have a high capacity in all four domains make strong leaders who can inspire and motivate others [3].
EQ tests and scores
There are multiple standardized assessments for measuring EQ. Some of the most common include:
On the EQi, EQ is measured with the same distribution scale as IQ. 90 to 110 represents an average score, and scores above 130 indicate an extraordinarily high level of emotional intelligence [4].
Emotional intelligence and culture
While all cultures have norms and expected behaviors regarding socializing and interpersonal interactions, there is a wide variation in what is considered emotionally intelligent [5]. For example, what might be a perfectly acceptable emotional display in one culture may come across as flat or exaggerated in another [6].
For this reason, many scales include cross-cultural awareness and understanding as a facet of emotional intelligence. People with high EQ have enough empathy and awareness to recognize that their expectations are shaped by their culture and extend that understanding in their interactions with others.
Signs a person has high emotional intelligence
The measurements and definitions of emotional intelligence can seem somewhat abstract. However, we can identify high emotional intelligence in ourselves and others through specific actions and qualities.
For example, people with high emotional intelligence exude calm, confidence and can express themselves clearly. They can share their point of view without forcing their opinions on others.
Emotionally intelligent people also exhibit a strong curiosity toward others. They have excellent listening skills and can easily put themselves in another person’s shoes.
In contrast, people with low emotional intelligence might struggle with interpersonal interactions. They may come off as too forceful or too passive. Since people with low EQ have difficulty understanding how emotions influence behavior, they may misinterpret their own and others’ actions. People with low EQ may also be prone to conflict and have a hard time building trust and closeness with others.
Benefits of high EQ
Psychologists Salovey and Mayer argued that emotional intelligence is vital for social cohesion, personal well-being, and inclusion. For this reason, they identified EQ as a “hot”, or essential form of intelligence [7].
EQ is such an important factor in one’s ability to succeed, that it is a stronger indicator than IQ for positive long-term outcomes [8].
High EQ is associated with several notable benefits, including [9]:
With all the benefits of a higher EQ, it seems reasonable that people would want to improve their emotional intelligence. However, there is some debate how much we can develop our natural EQ.
Is EQ innate?
Our EQ is the result of multiple factors — some we can control, and some we can’t. For example, some people perceive negative emotions more acutely and vividly than others. Research suggests this may be due to a gene variant that increases activity in brain areas related to processing emotion [10]. People who experience heightened levels of emotional arousal may struggle with typical EQ traits such as self-regulation and a positive mindset.
At the other end of the spectrum, some genes can suppress biological reactions to emotion. A 2018 study published in Translational Psychiatry found that genetics may influence a small percentage of the capacity for empathy [11].
Similarly, genetics and other biological factors can contribute to alexithymia, or the inability to recognize or show emotion [12]. By some estimates, the condition affects around 10 percent of the population.
While the inability to express emotion or feel empathy may make it impossible to become highly emotionally intelligent, it doesn’t mean that people with these genetic predispositions can’t improve their EQ.
Does EQ increase with age?
While our potential EQ may be fixed at birth, our actual EQ seems to increase with age [14]. Studies suggest that our EQ rises incrementally until we are around 60 years old. Older people exhibit higher levels of emotional self-control. They are also more likely to include emotional factors in their decision-making and reasoning [15].
Researchers believe this growth comes from life experiences and a higher focus on emotions. The change is not very significant, but it does translate into higher life satisfaction and self-reported well-being rates [16].
After 60, some EQ traits start to decline. For example, seniors tend to score lower in the domain of emotional regulation. However, this might be attributed to other factors like:
Can EQ be improved?
In addition to the natural improvement in EQ that comes with age, we can also actively work to improve our emotional intelligence. Both children and adults can benefit from EQ training. Programs that focus on emotional awareness and conflict resolution are effective for raising participant EQ [18].
Do you need to improve your EQ?
Given the fact that the vast majority of us have an average EQ, the odds are probably yes. If you’re not sure, consider if any of the scenarios below apply to you.
| You don’t express your emotions | If you don’t have the awareness or vocabulary to discuss how you feel, you will not be able to clearly communicate your emotional needs to others. This can lead to unfulfilling relationships. |
| You accuse other people of “triggering” your feelings | If you are not aware of your own internal processes, you may believe that other people can control how you feel. In reality, emotions are a reflection of your perspective of the situation rather than someone else’s actions. |
| You feel no one understands you | Clear communication is an important aspect of EQ. If you cannot “read” your audience, you may not know how to adapt your message, tone, or delivery to increase their understanding. |
| You hold grudges | People with high emotional intelligence can leave negative emotions and events in the past. If you find that you have a hard time letting go of a perceived slight, no matter how small, you may benefit from raising your EQ. |
| You are a perfectionist | Perfectionism is often the result of negative self-talk and unrealistic expectations. People with high EQ do not judge themselves or others for making mistakes. |
| You take yourself too seriously | If your confidence levels are low, you may feel insecure or threatened when people make fun of you. |
If you recognize any of the above behaviors in yourself, everything in your life, from your job satisfaction to the quality of your relationships can be improved by working on your EQ.
Strategies and exercises for improving EQ
There are many things you can do on your own to develop your emotional intelligence. Here are some tips based on Goleman’s EQ framework.
Exercises for improving self-awareness
Take an EQ test: To improve, you have to know your baseline. There are many standardized EQ assessments that can help you identify your emotional strengths and weaknesses. You can try the ones below for free:
Do you notice any patterns in your results? This can provide insight into areas that you can develop.
Ask for feedback: Even if we think we know ourselves well, we can gain more insight into our behaviors by asking others. You can start by soliciting feedback from close friends and family. Let them know that you are working on your EQ and are open to their perspective. You can also get feedback from your colleagues, classmates, teachers, or supervisors.
Write your goals: People with low EQ can mistake people-pleasing for empathy [19]. In an effort to be liked by other people, they may become out of touch with their own needs, values, and goals. Taking time to explore your own interests and desires can help you identify goals that are meaningful to you.
Exercises for improving emotional regulation
Learn to label emotions: Most of us learn about basic emotions, such as sadness, happiness, anger, and fear in school. However, we feel a much wider range of emotions on a daily basis. If we cannot label these emotions accurately, we might react inappropriately [20]. For example, if we mislabel anxiety as fear, we may interpret the situation as dangerous and start to avoid it. The emotion wheel is a great tool for identifying and specifying our more nuanced emotions.
Notice your mood shift: If we don’t pay attention to our emotional state, it can seem like our mood changes out of the blue. However, if we were to recognize the signs of emotional shifts in ourselves, we could take note of the circumstances that may have triggered our mood change.
Some signs of emotional shifts include:
Create emotion routines: If we have low emotional regulation, we may allow our negative feelings to significantly affect our behavior. We can counter this by creating a routine to follow before we become overwhelmed. For example, we could make a habit of taking a walk whenever we feel the urge to lash out in anger. This takes us away from the trigger and shifts our focus to something more pleasant.
Exercises for improving empathy
Read fiction books: Fiction books allow us to get a level of insight into people’s behavior, emotions, and motives that would be difficult to replicate in real life. Reading can also show us how much someone’s perspective and experience can differ from our own. This can increase our ability to connect with other people in the real world [21].
Get out of your comfort zone: One reason for low EQ is a common cognitive bias known as the fundamental attribution error [22]. We make excuses for our behaviors that we do not extend to others.
For example, if you snap at a coworker, you justify this by noting that you were having a bad day, but a coworker who snaps at you is a mean person. We can challenge the fundamental attribution error by pushing ourselves to try new experiences [23]. Traveling, volunteering, or learning a new skill can help you get a better understanding of what other people might be going through. Leaving your comfort zone also challenges your assumptions and increases your openness to learning.
Practice active listening: In order to get to know people and understand their perspectives, we have to listen closely to what they say. Unfortunately, most of us do not pay attention when others are talking or only listen in order to form an argument or rebuttal.
Active listening involves giving the speaker your full attention and noticing their tone and non-verbal cues [24]. Asking open-ended questions and reiterating what the person has said also demonstrates your interest in the other person. People love to feel heard, so this can help you build rapport with others.
Wrapping Up
Our emotional intelligence is somewhat defined by our biology and experiences, but it is not set in stone. Not only does our EQ grow over time, but there are also steps we can take to purposefully develop our capacity. If we make the effort to learn more about ourselves and others, we can reap the benefits of developing our emotional intelligence.
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