Change your thoughts and you change your world.
~ Norman Vincent Peale
We often hear about the power of our thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves. Though it might sound like pseudoscience à la the law of attraction, there is credible evidence that our self-talk can affect our mental and physical health.
What is self-talk?
Self-talk is often described as an inner voice. However, it originates as verbal expressions targeted at ourselves.
Self-talk first begins in early childhood as a phenomenon called private speech. During this time, children are just starting to use verbal communication to interact with others around them. So, they use their newfound ability to guide themselves through their thoughts, actions, and feelings [1].
As we age, most of this speech becomes internalized (though around a quarter of us still talk aloud to ourselves)[2]. As children, much of our self-talk is benign and practical. We may use phrases like “Where was I?” or “Note to self” to manage our thoughts and organize our behaviors [3].
Self-talk also appears when we read or repeat information we want to memorize. In everyday life, self-talk can be useful. However, our inner monologue is not always self-directed. Sometimes, what we say to ourselves is triggered by something in our environment or by our emotions. This type of self-talk is often labeled an automatic thought [4].
The content of our automatic thoughts tends to reflect our understanding of the world and prior experiences [5]. Here’s an example. Imagine that you hear a loud bark outside your window.
So the same scenario can trigger different automatic thoughts based on your interpretation of the situation. Likewise, the thoughts that pop into our minds can also shift our moods and influence our behaviors.
The first and last thoughts above may lead to feelings of anxiety or dread. You might react by searching for your dog or looking out of your window. The middle thought may result in feelings of annoyance or contentment, depending on how you feel about your neighbor’s dog. You might check and see if the dog is OK or put in earplugs if the barking erupts late at night.
So, whether our inner monologue is self-directed or automatic, it gives us information that helps us make decisions and it affects how we feel. Unfortunately, if our perception of the world, other people, or ourselves is less than positive, self-talk can become an inescapable source of negativity.
Why does self-talk become negative?
When self-talk is overly negative, psychologists sometimes refer to it as the “inner critic.” [6]. There are many theories as to why the inner critic develops.
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), automatic thoughts are the manifestation of core beliefs, which are like a lens through which we view the world and ourselves. Our core beliefs are usually formed early in life and can be helpful, unhelpful, or neutral [7].
Some child development experts believe that core beliefs are partially influenced by interactions with caregivers and other authority figures in childhood. While there isn’t much scientific evidence to support this correlation, researchers have found that parenting styles can affect a child’s cognitive development and their use of language [8].
Parents who are overly critical of their children or themselves can shape how their children perceive themselves and the world. This can contribute to unhelpful core beliefs, such as:
If our core beliefs are negative, they can cause us to make negative assumptions or inferences about events or situations. These negative assumptions then produce an automatic negative thought. Let’s illustrate the process like this:
Positive core belief -> Positive assumption -> Automatic positive thought
Mistakes are normal -> Mistakes are a part of learning -> I’ll improve with practice
Negative core belief -> Negative assumption -> Automatic negative thought
Mistakes are unacceptable -> Only failures make mistakes -> I am a failure
Since core beliefs are developed so early in our lives, we may not even realize we hold them. We unknowingly assume our beliefs are the truth or simply how the world is. This can make it difficult to change our negative self-talk. We can’t challenge and change what we’re unaware of.
Consequences of negative self-talk
All of us have experienced negative self-talk or automatic negative thoughts. It’s a natural response when we face an unpleasant experience or feel negative emotions like fear, anxiety, or doubt [9].
However, chronically negative self-talk can deteriorate our mental health. This is because negative self-talk can trigger the self-perpetuating dysfunction cycle, which contributes to all types of problems, including depression and anxiety.
Here’s how it works: Negative automatic thoughts/self-talk lead to negative emotions, such as shame, resentment, or stress. To reduce these emotions, we may engage in harmful behaviors, such as:
These behaviors can reinforce our underlying negative core beliefs and intensify our automatic negative thoughts.
Negative self-talk and automatic negative thoughts can also affect how you interact with others. For example, if your negative thoughts stem from a core belief that others are untrustworthy, you will view others suspiciously.
You might believe others’ neutral or positive behaviors have malicious intentions. As a result of this lack of trust, you may have difficulty forging or maintaining relationships with others.
One particularly damaging form of negative self-talk is rumination [10]. This happens when we cannot let go of a negative thought. We replay the harmful message to ourselves repeatedly. Here are some common examples of rumination:
Rumination is linked to all sorts of mental health problems, including depression and social anxiety. Moreover, obsessive negative thinking also contributes to chronic stress, a physiological state that increases the risk of heart disease, sleep disturbances, and systemic inflammation [11].
So, it’s clear that negative self-talk brings more harm than good. Many talk therapy approaches help people overcome destructive inner monologues by practicing positive self-talk.
Characteristics and benefits of positive self-talk
As mentioned before, self-talk can be negative, positive, or neutral. While neutral internal monologue doesn’t have a tangible effect on mental health, positive self-talk is associated with lower stress and higher self-esteem [12].
Positive self-talk is not just telling yourself everything will be fine (although reassurance is a mood elevator). Instead, positive self-talk occurs when our inner voice has a more optimistic interpretation of our circumstances.
One way to explain the process of positive self-talk is the optimistic explanatory style developed by positive psychologist Martin Seligman. After studying the thought patterns of patients with depression, Seligman noted that many of them seemed to explain life events pessimistically. These patients were more likely to view negative outcomes as permanent, pervasive, and personal.
In sum, everything is bad (pervasive), everything will always be bad (permanent), and it is my fault (personal).
Seligman theorized that holding an optimistic explanatory style can serve as a buffer against depression and anxiety [13].
The following beliefs and assumptions characterize an optimistic explanatory style:
It’s important to note that an optimistic explanatory style can lead to unrealistic conclusions. So there potential downsides exist. For example, one study found that people with an optimistic explanatory style are more likely to downplay their vulnerability to health problems [14]. Nevertheless, positive self-talk and automated positive thoughts generally contribute to a better quality of life.
Tips for making self-talk more positive
There are so many benefits to challenging negative thinking patterns. Simply considering that we may have decent qualities or that our circumstances are not hopeless can disrupt the dysfunction cycle [15].
Here are several exercises that can help you reduce your negative self-talk and speak more kindly to yourself.
1. Disrupt the inner critic
Automatic negative thoughts often contain personal criticisms such as:
These thoughts affect our mood and behavior because we believe they are valid. The truth is overly negative thoughts probably indicate the presence of one or more cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are errors that crop up as a result of our minds tendencies to take shortcuts in thinking to save time and energy.
For example, a cognitive distortion may cause us to overestimate the likelihood of a negative outcome. This is thinking shortcut is designed to protect us from harm. Although, in reality and upon closer analysis, we might note that the actual chance of a negative outcome is closer to neutral or about 50%.
Most cognitive distortions tend to fall apart after some scrutiny. Categorizing negative self-talk as facts or opinions can help us re-frame our thoughts more realistically.
| Negative self-talk | Cognitive distortion | Fact or opinion | How do I know? | Re-framed thought |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| If I go to the party, I will embarrass myself. | Fortune Telling – Assuming something bad will happen in the future. | Opinion | The party hasn’t happened yet. I have no idea what will happen. I can’t predict the future. | If I go to the party, I might embarrass myself, or I might have a great time, or both or neither. I won’t really know until I get there. |
2. Create emotional distance from your thoughts
While our thoughts are vital in helping us make sense of the world, they are not infallible. Not every thought we think has value or meaning. We can choose the thoughts we want to hold onto and let the others go.
We can improve our reaction to our thoughts by creating emotional distance. This means separating the content of our thoughts from who we are. One way to do this is by giving your inner critic a silly name and voice. Then, when your negative self-talk pops up, you can dismiss your inner critic the same way a comedian deals with a heckler. Here’s an example:
| Negative self-talk | Conscious thought |
|---|---|
| Negative self-talk: You’ll never succeed, why do you even bother? | Conscious thought: I see old Grump has something to say. Always interrupting but never contributing. Unfortunately, I don’t think Grump knows what he is talking about. |
Here, the goal is to realise that your mind generates thoughts automatically. And these thoughts aren’t you. Instead, you are observer of the thoughts. So you don’t have to listen to them, buy-in to them, or identify with them. Instead, you can just sit back and look at them neutrally.
3. Talk to yourself like a friend
Chances are, you would never repeat the things your negative self-talk says to loved ones. Take a moment to think about that. Why would constantly berating someone be a bad thing? It might lower their self-esteem, make them sad, or be demotivating, right? Well, your negative self-talk is affecting you in the same way.
Just like you don’t expect your friends to be motivated by rude, mean, or unempathetic language, you shouldn’t accept any less for yourself. So the next time you find yourself in a rumination loop, consider if you would speak that way to your friend.
If not, change your approach. This video by Mindful Awareness Practices shares an easy way to increase your self-compassion: Talk to yourself as you would a friend.
4. Try affirmations
Affirmations are positive, empowering words and phrases. There is evidence that repeating affirmations can reduce negative self-talk and increase positive thinking in some people. While affirmations do not work for everyone, there are several ways to make them more effective:
Conclusion
Changing your thought patterns will take time and effort. However, positive self-talk is a relatively easy way to improve our mental wellbeing.
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[8] Wijayanti, Arum & Wekadigunawan, Cri Sajjana Prajna & Murti, Bhisma. (2018). The Effect of Parenting Style, Bilingual School, Social Environment, on Speech and Language Development in Preschool Children in Surakarta, Central Java. Journal of Maternal and Child Health. 03. 184-196. 10.26911/thejmch.2018.03.03.03.
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[10] Psychiatry.org – Rumination: A Cycle of Negative Thinking. (2020, March 5). Www.psychiatry.org. https://www.psychiatry.org/News-room/APA-Blogs/Rumination-A-Cycle-of-Negative-Thinking
[11] Colino, S. (2018, January 14). The Hazards of Rumination for Your Mental and Physical Health. US News & World Report; U.S. News & World Report. https://health.usnews.com/wellness/mind/articles/2018-03-14/the-hazards-of-rumination-for-your-mental-and-physical-health
[12] Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. (2022, May 2). The Benefits of Positive Self-Talk | Psychology Today. Www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/202205/the-benefits-positive-self-talk
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[16] David Hanscom MD. (2020, January 30). Affirmations and Neuroplasticity. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-another-name-pain/202001/affirmations-and-neuroplasticity
